7 ways self help falls short

For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to learn, grow, and improve. As a child, I would practice my handwriting until my hand was sore. Playing sports, I never missed a practice and even stayed behind to get additional support. As I got older, I would seek out guidance and advice on a challenge with a friend or teacher. I also made sure to reflect on on my own thoughts and actions, and made sure I walked away with lessons for the road. As you can see, I’ve always been very light-hearted and easy going. (I’m sure I had fun somewhere in there.) Listen, I was into self help before I knew “self help” was a thing. Maybe you can relate to some extent.

I think we all have a natural desire to do, have, and be something more. It’s only been in the last few years that I realized that “more” was not a better version of myself or my life but God himself.

In Christ, a new life awaits. His power goes beyond improving our behavior or circumstances. He changes us, from the inside out. God is the change agent in our lives, and we have a part to play in that change. Make no mistake, we must choose to join him in his transformative work. It is God’s power, and it is our participation. In this way, personal growth is the fruit produced from our relationship with God. Alone, our actions fall short, can pull us away from God, or even serve to replace him altogether. Yet, when we partner with God along this journey of becoming, we discover who we really are, and the life we were called to live. 

Consider these 7 ways self help missed the mark:

1. Not external change, but internal change 
We can commit to change on the outside. Science has given us tools to manage our behaviors — and even train our brains to think differently. But only God’s power can change our very nature. He transforms us at our very core, when we place ourselves in his hands. God gives us a new heart, which enables us to be more like him. With renewed spirits, we are able to follow the lead of the Holy Spirit. As we mature spiritually, we do not just do the right things, we desire the right things. Our lives are lived from a place of love and devotion, not fear and guilt. A changed heart is not a better life, it’s a new life entirely.  

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

2. Not temporary, but eternal significance 
Let’s say that hypothetically, you build the life of your dreams: a life on your own terms, trusting in yourself, and achieving the purposes you’ve established. That may seem like enough. But you would have missed out on the most important thing: eternal life. “Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent“ (John 17:3). You would have forfeited a life connected to the tree of life, producing the kind of fruit not found in the world (Galatians 5:22-23). Eternal life is not simply living forever. Some scientists already believe we do (since energy can never be destroyed). Eternal life is life with God now that extends beyond death. You cannot work your way to this type of life. It is a gift you can only receive (Ephesians 2:8). 

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18

3. Not self-centered, but God centered 
In scripture, we read to love our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:31). Prioritizing our own needs and caring for ourselves is good and important. However, if we all placed ourselves at the center of the universe, what would follow is not health or happiness but suffering and sadness. Research tells us that selflessness, not self-centeredness, leads to authentic, longer-lasting happiness. But even the altruistic life, apart from God, is incomplete. In pursuing our own self- interest and fulfillment, we hinder our own progress. True growth involves other people, and it involves God. The answers are not found searching within ourselves or in the philosophies of people. They are found in God. We need to center our lives on him and not ourselves. 

“For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.” Colossians 1:16 

4. Not willpower, but God’s power
One unmistakable trait we can count on as humans is a strong will — and it starts early (hello “terrible twos”). The desire for independence and to do what we want describes children and adults alike. We’re told that with enough self-discipline and self-control, we can overcome any obstacle. Through drive and determination, we make things happen. Except that’s just not true. Almost all of us can attest to some challenges being greater than our personal power. That’s why addiction programs encourage those in recovery to rely on a power greater than themselves. As believers, we have the very best thing: Jesus. When we come to faith in Christ, we receive his power to not only say “no” to the things that hold us back,  but also “yes” to the things that help move us forward.  

“I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:14

5. Not symptoms, but a solution
We all struggle from time to time (and all the time). Those habits, thoughts, dispositions, and behaviors that create trouble in our lives and havoc in our relationships are not the problem, however. They are an indication of the fundamental problem, which is sin. Every single one of us, whether we believe it or not, must contend with the presence and power of sin. Self help does not, cannot, address this invisible, underlying condition. Only God can. We can fix symptoms and find temporary relief. Ibuprofen helps. But it will not repair damaged tissue or heal a toothache. Real change requires we get to the root of the problem.

“For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.” Romans 6:14

6. Not satisfaction, but his sufficiency
Self improvement, by definition, means something in us needs bettering. While God intends for us to grow, our progress is not meant to diminish our need and reliance on him. Self help can create chronic dissatisfaction when all we see is one more thing to change in order to be good enough. In our striving, we begin to base our acceptability and worth on how much we’ve improved. But we will always be hungry for more. No amount of self help can satisfy our heart’s desire. Lasting fulfillment comes through oneness and intimacy with Christ. He is who we need for life and life more abundantly. All our needs are met through him, not in achieving certain milestones or achievements. 

“And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” 2 Corinthians 9:8

7. Not inspiration, but transformation 
There is no shortage of information on how to help yourself. Entire fields of study, industries, and belief systems are dedicated to helping us develop and improve. We have learned a lot, and yet we find ourselves needing to know just a little bit more. Why else have we not experienced true change? It is because we’ve experienced inspiration but not transformation. That’s not to say information is useless. Information inspires us to change, but it cannot change our innermost self. Inspiration changes our notions, but transformation changes our nature. Self help can give us a better life. Christ gives us new life.

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18